Sunday, April 27, 2014

5/28/10 Progress? Masking? Both?

Today I feel bipolar (which is not funny to those who ARE bipolar - my apologies to you.  Isn’t it interesting how you will refer to some terms so glibly until they affect you or someone you care about?).   But today was a markedly different day than the last 2 weeks as a whole.  Almost like ‘This never happened.  Life is the same as it was 18 months ago.  Same job, no kids, same home, stable relationship, errands, cleaning, making plans.’   Weird.   Is this what the books and experts mean when they say you’ll start to have good days, and someday you’ll have more good ones than bad ones?  Is this the part where your grief begins to take up less than 100% of your world?   If long ‘til the next day like this?  Or, is it the mood altering herb my Dr is having me take?  Could be working.  Tuesday was another day amongst several recently in which I cried freely multiple times.   Anyone who saw me that day would have looked at me today wary and confused.  Which is how I feel, actually. Again, experiencing the grief process is so very, very different than reading about it.
Today I found out I have Hashimoto’s Disease (or Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis), which is a fancy term for hypothyroidism.  It’s an autoimmune disorder in which antibodies attack the thyroid gland and eventually kill it, if it goes on long enough.   A week ago I found out I washyperthyroid, but more blood tests revealed antibodies linked to the opposite condition.  Apparently, when this starts, the thyroid goes into overdrive first before slowing down.  Metabolism slows too.  Great.  Weight gain.  Just what I need.   If there’s good news, it’s that we caught it early, so we’ll see what happens.  *sigh*

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