For a glorious period I thought I was going to have to change the home page of this site a bit. Though not much time was spent on it, I wondered how I would incorporate the loss of Anna and the joy of Emily in one spot. Honor one, rejoice in the other. Turns out, no wondering necessary. But now, how to honor both our girls? Harder to do when the second is alive and well but not with you. Your child, but not your child. Ours by love, hers by biology. Nothing but nothing trumps biology. SOoooooooooooooo screwed up, that.
But that’s another rant for another day.
Anyone reading this knows most recent events, so it’s not necessary to tell the story. Unless it’s somehow healing, to have it in black and white? Proof that it happened, proof there was a miracle, proof we had 3 1/2 weeks of pure bliss.
So maybe I will. Another day. Right now running through it gets me too angry to finish. And I want to keep talking about her, continue to create opportunities to put pictures of her up here. Because, like Anna, we can probably only do that for so long.
But right now I want to share the statement that has stuck with me the most throughout the last 11 days (oh my god, eleven days?? How has she been gone that long?!? Then again, it feels like forever. The 24 days we had her felt like 3 long-ish ones. One week without her, and it felt like she must have aged to at least 15 years old. No joke). But I digress.
Brad commented to a friend, as he has over and over recently, that he just doesn’t understand why it’s so hard for us to have a family. His (wonderful, wise) friend said, “You do have a family. You just don’t get to keep them very long.”
And just when you think your heart couldn’t crack any more....