“I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, sayin’ eh-oh, gotta le-t go. I wanna celebrate and live my life, sayin’ ay-oh, baby let’s go....” -Dynamite, Taio Cruz
Brad got a job. A verifiable, undeniable, celebrate-able job.
In all of the questioning about where God was on December 15 2009, we haven’t wanted to give up on Him altogether. While “a good Christian” praises in all circumstances, we’ll be the first to ‘fess up that that’s been quite a challenge this last year, especially those first several months. But oh, don’t we want to believe? And when we believe, don’t we want to feel that God is right there, actively working in our life, paying attention? Don’t we want to believe that our belief will be rewarded? Brad and I have hung in there with God, but we’ve also never felt more boundary-less with Him. Anna’s death broke all the rules, even when we know there are no rules we could hope to understand when it comes to the mystery of God. Right or wrong, it always easier when there’s something tangible to hang your hat on. It doesn’t for a second escape my attention that on Monday night I sent my first sincere prayer up to God since Anna died. Nothing in the way, no caveat, no hesitation or questioning. “We need help.” Exactly one week later, employment was his.
This isn’t just any job, either. He’ll be a Senior Project Manager, close to home, equivalent salary to his previous position, stable company, summer hours (half-day Fridays or more!), and blessed benefits. Everything we could reasonably ask for, with some things we didn’t even bother to ask for - like the proximity to home. We will not have to pay full Cobra payments come March after all. Or dip into savings anymore. I will not have to seek more hours at work to pull benefits. We do not have to move out of state. He can come home for lunch! Shoot, he could ride his bike to work come spring.
I don’t get God at all. Then again, I’ve never heard or read that I’m supposed to.
So we’re giving God props, but I must also say how proud I am of Brad for keeping at the quest. Every weekday that I know of he was online searching for positions, calling contacts, attending lunches, networking and following up, networking some more, sending out resumes and filling out applications. As many of you know, things had been heating up in mid-December and we thought for sure he’d land one of the two positions between a couple companies. But they both sort of slipped through our fingers. “We love him” but somehow the fit wasn’t quite right or the targeted job hadn’t quite taken shape at the company for them to figure out if or where they needed him. We felt deflated and defeated - and, for the first time for me, scared.
The sense of relief is greater than I expected. The sense of accomplishment even greater! I wonder if we’ll keep that with us over the years, remember what a gift a full-time job with decent pay really is. I hope so. And I get to say what I hoped I’d be able to say. The year we had to grieve our daughter, to take care of each other and ourselves....it was a cherished gift in the wake of unimagined tragedy. How we wish we didn’t need that gift. But we did, and we got it, and we were ready for it to be over. When one wonders if in fact God was not looking on December 15, it’s comforting to think that maybe He has paid extra attention since.
Amen.
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