We're not very religious people. And we don't incorporate any beliefs either of us have into our daily lives on a regular basis. But we're trying to give C a foundation so that she has a foundation for Christianity and the ability to compare and contrast belief systems as she matures, and decide for herself what she believes someday.
Brad has been taking her to church most of the time because I often can't stomach it. She's taking it in because she often wants to role play - "I'll be Jesus, and you can be the people" (waving palm fronds as he enters the city on Palm Sunday) or "I'll be Jesus, you be Jesus' Daddy" (passed. Playing God is one I just can't do, even in pretend).
The kicker, she's been the one reminding us to do grace at dinner. We hold hands, close our eyes, Daddy goes first. Sometimes I then must pray immediately after, sometimes we have a few bites and then it's my turn. Until last night she demurred from praying herself. And in two minutes that melted my heart all over my soul, with her eyes shut tight, prayed her first prayer.
"Dear God,
Thank you for my Mommy and Daddy,
and my Baby Anna.
And then she died-ed.
And for kitty Grace.
And she died-ed.
And we were sad.
But they are in our hearts!
And they all died-ed.
And we were sad.
Amen."
Oh my. I have no words. Oh heart wrenching ... Sweet girl.
ReplyDelete"Oh my" are my words as well. I can't handle church or god anything right now either, but I do want max to have an understanding of it all and make his own decisions about it as well. Oh sweet Cate.
ReplyDeleteOh bless her heart. And yours. We have the same pronunciation of died-ed going on here, too. When David's grandma came to visit, she picked up Caroline, "Oh my how you've grown!" and (for some reason, I have no idea why it was on her mind), Caroline replied, "Eliza has not grown. Eliza died-ed." There's also been a few confusing conversations about keeping Eliza, Papa Gene, Jesus, and Little Mac in our hearts. Bah. It's really hard. We don't do prayer right now and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it.
ReplyDeleteAll the air went out of me reading her comment to your MIL. Oh man…"Eliza has not grown." Damn but that brings tears to my eyes, coming from her lips. Her understanding.
DeleteYeah, I'm mixed on prayer too. We only do it as a grace at dinner. More lately because she's asking for it.
What do you think of the books Sonja purchased? Ginny seems to really like them...
Oh my heart. xo
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ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, what a sweet and heartbreaking prayer. I wish our babies didn't have to face these terrible realities of death so young. Though maybe it will make more resilient people as they learn to incorporate love and loss into their lives. I'm not trying to be Pollyanna, I just hope by openly integrating our dead babies (and beloved pets) into our families, we are creating more well adjusted kids to deal with the ups and downs of life.
ReplyDeleteOmg. Out of the mouths of babes. How precious and heartbreaking. So lovely that she mentioned them in the prayer and that she acknowledged their place in her heart. But man, I bet that took your breath away for a few minutes. I know it did mine. Special girl you have.
ReplyDeletethis makes me well up with tears. she's so sweet. Juliana hasn't yet connected those dots. she can pick out Julius. she knows he is one of momma's babies. but she hasn't asked where he is or what happened to him. so hard.
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